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| Marcel Strigberger |
“Have any of you ever pleaded for Christmas presents before the Santa at the Eaton Centre?”
“The Eaton Centre Santa? No way, Bobby. He never delivers on anything kids ever want. They call him ‘Scrooge Santa.’ If you want a good Santa, try to get before the big guy at Scarborough Town Centre. He’s a shoo-in.”
“That’s not quite true, Maggie. You will only get what you want from Scarborough Santa, as he is known, if you prepare your argument well. He hates it if you just sit down on his lap and hesitate. You have to be specific about the relief you are seeking. My friend Joey pleaded before him last year. When Scarborough Santa asked what he wanted for Christmas, Joey just rambled on aimlessly without knowing when to stop. Scarborough Santa ruled that Joey’s argument was not convincing, and he dismissed his plea summarily. He didn’t even give him a mint candy cane.”
“Yes, Amanda, my friend Iggy had a similar experience. He now meticulously prepares his argument for a batch of toys. He makes two or three points and then he stands up.”
“Actually, Scarborough delivered on a plea from my cousin for a new bicycle. We never expected he would.”
“Your cousin probably was nice and not naughty.”
“I’m not sure. I’ll ask Rudolph.”
“Hey anybody been before the Saint Nick at Yorkdale Mall?”
“Who’s sitting there?”
“I have not been before him, but I hear they call him the ‘Hanging Santa.’ If you ask him for too many toys, he gets mad and picks you up by the shoulders and dangles you. It’s real embarrassing to be treated this way in front of your kiddy colleagues.”
“Yeah, I’d say. Santas should all be reminded of what it was like when they themselves were kids, before they got appointed to the chair.”
“Yeah. Too many of them lose their humility; they come down with a bout of Santa clausitis.”
“I agree. Maybe we should all send letters to the Santa Appointment Committee at the North Pole.”
“Ah, you guys, don’t whine. Just do your homework and make the right pitch to the right Santa. And pass the Timbits please.”
“Herby is right, kids. It all gets down to one thing. The most important thing a kid has to be aware of before entering the mall is: ‘Know your Santas.’”
Ain’t it the truth?
Marcel Strigberger retired from his Greater Toronto Area litigation practice and continues the more serious business of humorous author and speaker. His book, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging, is available on Amazon (e-book) and in paper version. His new(!) book First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe is available on Amazon, Apple and other book places. Visit www.marcelshumour.com. Follow him on X @MarcelsHumour.
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