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| Marcel Strigberger |
These bees are unusual. They are non-stingers. Seems their pollinating actions play a great role in protecting the ecosystem in the Peruvian Amazon rainforests. However, their numbers have been dwindling as a result of deforestation, pesticides and the arrival of the classical bees from Europe, namely the stingers. The latter apparently compete with the local boys, who are at a distinct disadvantage as they are unarmed. We are talking Gandhi in black and yellow. Ergo the Peruvian lawmakers have taken steps to protect these guys. My question is, what does endowing “legal rights” to bees entail?
Obviously, the bees will have to secure legal representation. Given the potential of bee business, any wise lawyer will have to learn how to communicate with his winged client. As the song from Dr. Dolittle said, “If we could talk to the animals, … We would converse in polar bear and python, and we would curse in fluent kangaroo.” Hey, it beats doing mergers and acquisitions.
And of course these critters’ communications would enjoy lawyer/client privilege. When asked how the lawyer got certain information, he could say, “A little bee told me.”
One problem I foresee: getting paid. What type of currency would the bees use? Honey? No, thanks. Then again, a jug of this would be a vast improvement over what lawyers in Ontario earn working on a Legal Aid Certificate.
And of course, if the lawyer-client relationship became strained during litigation, the lawyer would have to bring a motion to get off the record. He couldn’t just tell his client to buzz off.
Now let’s not lose sight of the fact that these legal rights are bestowed on non-stinger bees only. I can see some of those unscrupulous European stinger bees disguising themselves to take advantage of the legal protections accorded to their Peruvian cousins. They’d want to hide their stingers. It would not be long before we would notice bees droning around in the rainforest, clad in tiny trousers. Hey, not every bee is honest. Even worse, the killer bees could intimidate the good guys by insisting they have a need for further “protection.” I can readily see a couple of these goon bees paying a visit to a non-stinger’s hive and knocking over a few honeycombs. Bada bing, bada boom.
And given the advances of AI, we could also find the rainforests of Peru deluged with fake bees. One telltale sign would be a bee flying around and saying, “Ask me anything.”
While I admire the country’s concerns in protecting the environment by cloaking these bees with legal protection, I’m not so sure it will readily work. I would say there is potentially something rotten in the state of Peru.
Marcel Strigberger retired from his Greater Toronto Area litigation practice and continues the more serious business of humorous author and speaker. His book, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging, is available on Amazon (e-book) and in paper version. His new(!) book First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe is available on Amazon, Apple and other book places. Visit www.marcelshumour.com. Follow him on X @MarcelsHumour.
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