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| Marcel Strigberger |
For the uninitiated, this product consists of about one bagel or so, toasted, thinly sliced and packaged. Unlike its one-piece version, which sells for about a dollar, this bagel in its mushroomed form goes for about $3 for the package.
As the cashier rang up the tab, I noticed she was adding in the HST. I protested, saying that surely there must be some mistake. “You can’t charge me tax on a bagel,” I said.
The cashier, one Lorraine, replied, “The computer has rung up the tax. Therefore, it must be OK.”
That bit of logic did not sit well with me. I continued my eloquent protest.
“No, it’s not OK. Bagels are bread, ergo not taxable.”
I reinforced this compelling argument by making small circles in the air with my index finger.
The circles did not bolster my oratory with her. She summoned the manager for a second opinion. As we waited for the manager to arrive, a thought occurred to me: have you noticed every supermarket has at least one cashier called Lorraine?
The manager arrived. His name was Mr. Hobbs. He agreed with me that although slightly burgeoned, if you put all the bagel chips together you probably had one bagel. With that comment, he also made a few circles in the air with his digit. We had instant rapport. A meeting of minds no doubt.
As I waited for Mr. Hobbs to order Lorraine to reverse her Draconian decree, the good manager remarked, “As much as we would like to, there is nothing we can do about the HST designation. You must contact Ottawa.”
With that he went on to tell me about a procedure whereby you can have your HST grievance dealt with by a special tribunal. He gave me additional details.
I ended up buying the bagel chips under protest. After lunch, I fired off a letter to Ottawa. A matter of principle, of course:
Dear Sir/Madam,
The supermarket recently charged me HST on a package of bagel chips. Surely, as bread is exempt from HST, there must be a mistake. Kindly refund my 39 cents. My cash register receipt is enclosed herewith.
The supermarket recently charged me HST on a package of bagel chips. Surely, as bread is exempt from HST, there must be a mistake. Kindly refund my 39 cents. My cash register receipt is enclosed herewith.
A reply form Ottawa was not long in coming. It read:
Dear Mr. Strigberger:
Thank you for your letter. As you may know, section 43(3) of the GLHST Act, or the Getting to Like the HST Act, provides for referees to inspect the products that are the subject matters of complaints. We have therefore referred this matter to the food and snacks division, and a referee will be in touch with you shortly. In the meantime, would you kindly send us a sample of the bagel chips in question.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Gordon W. Pinkerton
Chief Referee, Round Objects
Thank you for your letter. As you may know, section 43(3) of the GLHST Act, or the Getting to Like the HST Act, provides for referees to inspect the products that are the subject matters of complaints. We have therefore referred this matter to the food and snacks division, and a referee will be in touch with you shortly. In the meantime, would you kindly send us a sample of the bagel chips in question.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Gordon W. Pinkerton
Chief Referee, Round Objects
I figured I was on the right track.
I carefully wrapped up some bagel parts and mailed them to Ottawa. As I wanted the mini frisbees to arrive intact, I did not dare label the package “Fragile.”
A couple of weeks later, I received another letter:
Dear Mr. Strigberger:
We have examined the bagel chips that you were good enough to send us. In order to be fair, we did a taste test comparing the bagel chips to a bagel that we purchased at the King of Bagels Bakery. We also bought some cream cheese and lox for the sake of completeness.
My assistant blindfolded me. The test was also witnessed by Corporal Francois Gagnon of the RCMP. I started the test. I noticed that one product was thick and fluffy and soft. It tasted delicious. The second product was toasty, crunchy and thin. Equally delicious.
I concluded that the first sample was a bagel from the King of Bagels. The second sample was your bagel chip. When Corporal Gagnon removed the blindfold, I saw that I was correct.
My conclusion is that bagel chips may start out as bagel. Once it gets toasted and sliced up, although it may remind you of its former self, it now looks more like a musical compact disk, which as you know is taxable.
I conclude therefore that a bagel chip is not a bagel. Calling it a bagel does not make it one. For example, does Boston cream pie come from Boston?
You were accordingly properly taxed. You have 30 days to appeal my decision to the minister of finance to whom I shall send this file along with the samples upon receipt of your notice of intention to appeal.
Thank you for your query.
Dudley C. Norbert
Referee, Food and Snacks
(Round Objects)
We have examined the bagel chips that you were good enough to send us. In order to be fair, we did a taste test comparing the bagel chips to a bagel that we purchased at the King of Bagels Bakery. We also bought some cream cheese and lox for the sake of completeness.
My assistant blindfolded me. The test was also witnessed by Corporal Francois Gagnon of the RCMP. I started the test. I noticed that one product was thick and fluffy and soft. It tasted delicious. The second product was toasty, crunchy and thin. Equally delicious.
I concluded that the first sample was a bagel from the King of Bagels. The second sample was your bagel chip. When Corporal Gagnon removed the blindfold, I saw that I was correct.
My conclusion is that bagel chips may start out as bagel. Once it gets toasted and sliced up, although it may remind you of its former self, it now looks more like a musical compact disk, which as you know is taxable.
I conclude therefore that a bagel chip is not a bagel. Calling it a bagel does not make it one. For example, does Boston cream pie come from Boston?
You were accordingly properly taxed. You have 30 days to appeal my decision to the minister of finance to whom I shall send this file along with the samples upon receipt of your notice of intention to appeal.
Thank you for your query.
Dudley C. Norbert
Referee, Food and Snacks
(Round Objects)
I have of course launched my formal appeal to the minister of finance.
As I noted, my actions are purely a matter of principle. I hope that by proceeding further, I shall save other Canadians millions of dollars.
Although I am quite buoyant about the outcome, my wife, Shoshana, does not share my optimism, and she is willing to bet me loonies to donuts that I’ll probably just end up with the hole of the bagel.
Marcel Strigberger retired from his Greater Toronto Area litigation practice and continues the more serious business of humorous author and speaker. His book, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging, is available on Amazon (e-book) and in paper version. His new(!) book First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe is available on Amazon, Apple and other book places. Visit www.marcelshumour.com. Follow him on X @MarcelsHumour.
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