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| Gary Joseph |
I have written before but feel compelled to write again about the continuing need of many family law practitioners to insist upon creating a hateful trail of charges and counter-charges in letters or emails that often (not always) merely reflect the ongoing animus of one parent against the other. These individuals (and their counsel) use the children as the point of the spear against their former partner. There are too many more than willing counsel prepared to fire off stinging allegation-filed letters full of unverified claims against the opposite party. Too many counsels believe that by creating this “paper record” they are advancing their client’s case. These same lawyers fill motion records with “exhibits” being their own correspondence believing these to be “evidence” of the claimed unverified “atrocities” committed by the other parent. Most judges (but sadly not all) reject this type of “evidence.”
Perhaps in the past, I was one of those lawyers. My late father used to say: “Too old too soon, too wise too late.” I am a shining example of both, but please let me share some late-arriving wisdom. We are “family” lawyers. Never lose sight of the importance of the family.
As I rapidly approach a half-century of family law practice I know for a fact that (a) these hateful letters often surface years after the dispute, causing emotional turmoil to the family that has somehow survived a high-conflict parenting dispute and (b) the children of these disputes, as adults, often greatly regret the war that was fought over them when all they ever wanted was peace and love in their separated family. Perhaps once a year I get a call from someone identifying themselves as an adult (now) for whose parent(s) I was counsel during their family law dispute. The usually friendly call reflects the despair experienced by the child during the dispute and the years of therapy often necessary to recover.
This week, I was called to start a long trial mainly centred around parenting. The matter was scheduled for a 10-day trial, and I was only retained some months ago as trial counsel. The file was littered with attack letters, the kind I disdain. With extremely hard work by my associate and articling student together with excellent senior family law counsel and her associates on the other side, we reached a wonderful even-handed settlement on day two. This week, I am now filled with relief that perhaps we have helped one young child avoid the emotional destruction and long-lasting effects of their parents battling in court for two weeks.
Please join me in the crusade for civil discourse between counsel in these high-conflict parenting matters. Let’s not pour fuel on the fire. Refuse to be a cheerleader for angry clients. If I have been guilty of this in the past, learn from my late-in-life revelations as they relate to this type of dispute.
Gary S. Joseph is counsel to the firm of MacDonald & Partners LLP. A certified specialist in family law, he has been reported in over 350 family law decisions at all court levels in Ontario and Alberta. He has also appeared as counsel in the Supreme Court of Canada. He is a past family law instructor for the Law Society Bar Admission Course and the winner of the 2021 OBA Award for Excellence in Family Law.
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